In addition to the the numerous dating sites and apps, our superficial and fast paced world means that we have an even larger number of haystacks in which to find our needle.
We have never had so many methods open to us.
I confess to having explored pretty much every avenue open to me during the 3 years I spent in the single life, which I think qualifies me to offer my guidance and observations to help you find The One - which I am more than delighted to say that I have.
My parents way of meeting was pretty much straight from the song by The Human League "you were working as as waitress in a cocktail bar when I met you" the only difference being my Dad was the man behind the bar mixing the cocktails trying to impress my Mum, a similar story may of played out for many of their generation. Never too confident in my looks, the route of finding someone on a night out never felt like it was the route my love life was going to take, neither was it what I felt would be something lasting, I think that is rare to find that person amongst a crowd of hundreds unless you truly believe in fate.
Combined with the me having high standards and being a fussy so and so, the small town in which I lived which had the sum total of 3 clubs (if you could call them that) & a Wetherspoons was never going to find me the lady of my dreams.
One thing I have always prided myself on being is unique...not one to blend in with the crowd, aiming to be memorable to the lady I wanted to impress. Judge yourself if some of my methods were either desperate or admirable. From leaving my name and number on a napkin for an attractive waitress, to sending a wrapped broom to someones place of work ( to sweep her off her feet) both of which secured me a date I hasten to add.
For me working in recruitment which is extremely competitive, I have had to set myself apart from the rest to ensure a company comes to me above anyone else. Some values I try to impart here, is to be myself, honest, funny and listen. This translates in to the dating world too, whether making a daunting approach to someone you have your eye on, sending a message on a dating app or wanting to make a lasting good impression on a first date.
As much as the common dating sites such as Tinder & Plenty of Fish get a bad rep for purely being a hook up destination, I found that they were best for my age group and if you are serious about finding a lasting relationship from it, then surely there are plenty out there looking to do the same, and why would you want to restrict yourself to only dating someone from within the city in which you live? For me if I was to find someone that I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I was willing to travel to meet them. This was brilliant for getting to know people from many different cities and ensured there was variety in the locations of the dates.
However this did sometimes result in getting rather lost and being late which isn't a great start, a situation that faced me when using a faulty sat nav and an iPhone that was about to run about of battery without an in car charger, luckily she waited, but boy was I on the back foot. However, it did provide the chance to poke fun at myself and make us both laugh.
On the subject of the actual dates, don't be boring here, do you really want to just sit opposite the person at a dinner table, waiting for them to finish chewing to ask them a question, limiting the chance for flirting or contact with one another to see if that famous spark is there. Especially in this day and age when people are quick to make their minds up and decide that the spark isn't there, make sure you pack a stick of TNT to blow the socks off your date.
Think of somewhere that will get you having fun, try something like mini golf, bowling (but try and find a nice one with less stinky shoes) head to an games arcade, being competitive can bring out the best in both of you, the zoo or ice skating are also great ideas. These may not be for everyone granted & there is nothing wrong with a nice drink date either, I would recommend letting your date say where they would like to go, if they pick somewhere they are comfortable with and know, they are likely to be more relaxed and more open with you on the date.
So the date is set here are some top tips to follow
* Think of what to wear, show you have made an effort and ensure it is suitable for the location.
* Scent - Ensure you smell good, a polite peck on the cheek to greet them will allow your date to notice the hopefully well selected scent you have chosen, perhaps prompting a compliment and you offering one in return.
* Take a gift. Although do not rock up with the largest bouquet of flowers you could find like Del boy, making your date perhaps feel uncomfortable and drawing potentially unwanted attention in an already nerve-wracking situation. Instead show that you have listened or paid attention in conversations leading up to the date, for example for my first date with Beth, I knew she loved to draw and that she loved elephants, a small token from me was a sketchbook with elephants on it, it went down a treat.
* Don't be cheesy unless you can pull it off as being cheeky, and don't overload on the compliments, if you do they will come across as false. Pick the right moment and make it natural, don't just look around their face and pick out a part at random, put some thought in to what you are saying.
* Don't reel off a list of standard questions either, think about subjects that will prompt a back and forth conversation, particularly ones that will get you both laughing.
* Make eye contact, not in the way that you are interrogating them, but long enough to give off the signal if you are attracted to them, the right look can replace a lot of words.
* Keep ex relationships off the table, you can't guarantee how anything you say will be taken, you could speak too fondly of them, sound too bitter or even worse get them thinking of an ex they still think fondly of and end up comparing you.
* The first kiss doesn't have to happen on that first date, ensure there is an obvious signal that it is what your date wants, even then keep it classy and ensure it leaves you both wanting more. But leave it there if you want this to be something more than one time meeting.
We are on this earth a small time, too small a time to not put the effort in to find someone that makes us truly happy, for anyone that has read the book called The One (if not I highly recommend) the methods of finding that soul mate may yet change again dramatically, but one thing is for sure it will feel truly worth it if you put the effort in, and don't feel like you haven't taken what could be your only opportunity.
Happy dating people.
Instead of me offering what could be out of date advice, I thought it would be a far better idea to point authors in the direction of the resources I used when starting out as a self-publisher.
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